I have my Feelings and Needs, what next?

Powerful Compassionate Communication can get more people what they want by creating a win:win. We use the process of Nonviolent Communication.

I have been asked by a community organisation client what steps to take after looking at their judgements, thoughts, NVC feelings and needs. For resolution & inner freedom, it is important to complete the process, in my opinion. Read on to find out how.

In a nutshell, there are 2 more steps to NVC:
1. Dive deeply into your needs:

a) empower yourself by making sure your needs are not attached to a person, group or a place.

To do this I ask “what would I get if X met my longing for [need]”. Repeat this question until the need becomes abstract & not attached eg What would I get if Dai came hiking with me? Fun. (now I have my need that isn’t attached to Dai)

b) Shift to the beauty of the need (you may want to mourn first before you can get to the beauty):

Going deeper into the need(s) helps me get clear about what I want, which is useful for the second step in a bit.

To dive deeper, there are many methods. One way is to use a series of self exploring questions, like the late Robert Gonzales’ meditation of “How does [need] live in you” to “what would your life be like if this [need] was met?”

Dive into your needs and experience the beauty, whether those needs are fulfilled or yet to be fulfilled. If you want support with this process or another, get in touch for a free call.

Once you have dived into a need and how prescious it is to you, you may be feeling more self connected, and that you have really heard, viserally, the importance of that need to you. You are likely to feel a shift in attachment here, and an expansion. The beauty of this is that there will be many more solutions and strategies to meet the need(s).

2. Make a request to get each need met:

To move to what will make a difference to your life, some action probably needs to happen. The action can be a solution or strategy, or a next step. It usually requires a request of yourself or another or both. There is an art to asking NVC based requests. I always recommend having a plan B to meet your need(s), before making a request.

Making requests of others is something many of us want lots of practice to get comfortable with. Maybe we fear a loss of connection through asking. Yet it is often a gift to another if they can support us. How do we get the balance?

Here are some links to direct you. One is called “Ask for the Moon“! It is a longer training (over 2 hrs) that goes through the whole NVC process. There are shorter videos on YouTube to help you understand an NVC request such as this one. Also you can check out Escape Your Chains’ play list of NVC YouTube videos, that is always growing & our on-line resources.

If you want a training to learn more about this stage, or a full training, get in touch. Or you may want support with a particular sticky place. Feel free to arrange a free 15 minute call with Sarah, to discuss which way to go or what would work best for you, by calling or messaging now.

Sarah Sims Williams has been sharing NVC since 2012, and working with clients for individual growth, couples coaching, mediation & training with organisations, plus bespoke work to fit what clients want out of more powerful compassionate communication.

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