Some people feel painfully lonely or “alarmed aloneness”, while others may be alone whilst in company. I want to pause and think of all the lonely people right now….
As most of us have experienced painful loneliness, or being alone and frightened, the mirror cells (in our brain) will get triggered when we think of someone else going through loneliness.
Maybe that someone is you, right now? Are you OK, or are you struggling? Below are tips for helping yourself or others with loneliness. There is also a related article with practical tips here.
In Wales, we have just started a 17 day lockdown (a Firebreak) as I write. Many people are worried about their, or others’, mental health. Mental health is something we tend to ignore when we (and others) are mentally healthy….we tend to ignore it until it affects us in some way.
If you have noticed that someone in your family or community is lonely or alone, is part of you longing to help them during the social isolation to know they are OK, so you can relax?
If you want to help someone else, firstly it helps to have a full emotional tank yourself. (That old oxygen-mask-in-an-aeroplane-crash analogy, that I find sooo true – put yours on first, and then you can help more effectively.)
So let’s start with you, some “You time”. It’s all about you, whichever way we look at it (and that is Okay!) If you want to skip the “you” part, scroll down.
I had a session with Marianne from CupOfEmpathy.com, and she suggested that I may like to check out when my “full yes” isn’t on board, as a way to increase my energy and also my trust in myself, in relationships.
Has someone suggested something to you and you think “YES!”? That yes feels great. When I don’t have an enthusiastic, heart-felt yes it feels different inside me. It could be just a tiny bit of a “no” (you know the type you can ignore), and the rest of me says “yes”. That tiny bit of “no” may not get heard – in my case, quite often!
Only going ahead with something when the yes is full hearted, is scary for me. Sooo often there is a partial “no”. I plan to make it a practice to notice when I don’t have a full yes (for some people it is about having a full no, so translate if that is you).
A client recently lost her partner rather suddenly. She was fairly dependent on him for most things.
She (let’s call her Silkie) had begun to be less dependent over the previous few weeks, knowing something wasn’t right, however, once she lost him she not only had grief to cope with, but much more. She would like to share how she created the support she needed, in an interdependant way, in case it helps others.
I always hold that a shift in a conflict appears when using Nonviolent Communication (NVC), rather than us searching for it. I find that surprising, magical and beautiful. One minute it looks like there is no solution or harmony on the horizon, the next moment “Hey Presto”: Both people (or all of the group, if it is a group mediation) are actually happier than they were with their original prefered solution. This article is for those who understand the NVC resolution process, and haven’t yet got to that shift.
Having just had a very socialable time, at Christmas and New Year get togethers and parties, I wish I had re-connected with Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s prose beforehand. There are several paragraphs that really resonate with me, and I would like to say a bit about them and why. For those who don’t know me, this may help. The full prose is in the previous post. Let me know if you would inquire, of your temporary companion, about any of these!
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.”
Well, if they are passionate about their work, it does interest me. Otherwise, I’m happy to skip paid work as a topic.
“I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.”