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Below we have picked a selection of resources we have been inspired by. They will help lead you to more. This page is added to regularly, so do check back to see what we have added that will help you on your journey or with a relationship.
Marshall Rosenberg (founder of NVC): A brief (2.37 mins) video to introduce NVC, which some find very moving.
This is 12.5 mins, with so many gems, and gives me a sense of dealing with other’s responses using NVC without the other needing to know what it is.
If you prefer to learn by reading, than watch a video, this Grammarly article summarises NVC.
This is an overview and reminder of why NVC is useful (why we get into difficulty with our current society’s model). Under 12 mins.
A 4 minute role-play using NVC and what to do if someone says: “You’re using that NVC aren’t you?”
An introduction to the techniques & principles of NVC in 18 mins from How Communication Works.
A great 13 minute explanation of NVC, why & how it helps, and the main steps to transform a difficult conversation. Very consise and clear in our opinion!
Comedian and author Tony Hawks talks about why he has chosen to champion Marshall Rosenberg on BBC Radio 4. This is a good way to find out things about Marshall’s life and what motivated him. I didn’t know he had a lot of bones broken as a child, from other children beating him up.
A 7 minute audio about the connection between anger & needs. NVC shows us how translating frustration, anger, irritation can make our life much more wonderful.
Expressing mourning verses saying sorry, with Marshall Rosenberg. How to have a more compassionate inner educator! If you are self critical and want to be more compassionate and patient with yourself or your children, this could be an ah-ha video for you. 8.5 minutes.
This is Marshall’s 3 hour introduction to the process. The quality and principles of communicating in a connected & compassionate way.
Finally we’ve found a group of Marshall’s songs! I recommend skipping any you don’t enjoy.
Reading
This is about Robert Gonzales’ work on delving into the spirituality and beauty of NVC needs. See under videos for some videos about Roberts’ work, which is a game changer for many people.
Videos
Documentaries
Words That Liberate. This film is about how NVC is making a difference in prisons in US. A Certified Trainer is interviewed because he was in prison for 12 years before NVC changed his life. There are British NVC Trainers working in prisons in the UK too. Dartmoor Prison is one. If you are involved with a prison in SW Wales, and would like to talk to us about using NVC, we would love to hear from you.
This is the trailer and link to watch an inspiring & heartening film called The Third Harmony about the success and impact of using non-violence to create change in our world – the success so far (that’s not getting into the mainstream news) and where non-violence could take us.
Learning NVC
A basic skill in NVC is empathy. It is different to counselling empathy, or even how empathy is used in wider society, although it has many overlaps. We encourage people to have an “empathy buddy” for 2 reasons: 1. to practice listening when you are not so likely to be triggered. 2. to be heard, supported emotionally and seen. These skills do not include fixing someone and it is better if the person expressing comes to their own request. Here is a great video about how to reflect back, NVC style.
We really love Marianne De Dijk’s style of teaching. Here is a link to one of her videos on her website where her father tells her something she didn’t do, that he was upset about, I (Sarah) found what transpired moving.
Here is another video from Marianne. For people who focus on listening more than bringing their needs in, called Do You Over-Emphasize.
Ask For The Moon – making requests in NVC, with some recap of the steps of NVC. Over 2 hours from a live training by a trainer who inspires us: Yoram Mosenzon. Another training video is Connecting in Conflict.
Conflict Hotline: A series of role-play conflicts, recorded each month from people phoning in. Many with Miki Kashtan coaching. I found it inspirational, & a great way of learning for free. Type “Conflict Hotline” into the You Tube search engine and then chose which one you want to listen to or click here for one on anger.
Parenting / Teacher Resources
What to do when a child repeatedly says NO to somethings.
Roleplays between parent and child with some explanations. 30 mins NVC
3.5 mins A teacher’s discovery when torn between giving his pupils choice about what they did in class, and learning NVC.
“I want to watch video games…” computer voices role play using NVC
Healing
We have learnt so much from Sarah Peyton, an NVC trainer and Neuroscience Educator. Sarah has a knack of sharing brain science in everyday language, such as this training, which you may find exciting. The main premise is that warm resonant language, which NVC encourages, actually heals the brain from things like trauma. Here is “How to heal trauma with self-resonance (and why it works!)“
Sarah Peyton has self empathy videos on YouTube, which can train our brains just by listening and “playing along”.
Robert Gonzales’ work is seen as healing by many. Here is a video about the Diad Process.
Interviews
Robert Gonzales was chatting to John Kinyon, another Certified Trainer (CT), about compassion, allowing (our inner experience), consciousness and NVC. “Living Compassion [Robert’s works] provides a deep integration of NVC, consciousness, and spirituality. Robert is one of the most highly respected and leading NVC trainers in the world.”
And some exerpts from another interview with Robert Gonzales – less than 4 minutes – here & here
NVC resources for de-escalation for XR.
This Zoom video call has a number of ideas for de-escalating large groups, including when the police get too much. It seems invaluable to me, and I found it inspiring. I would start at 4 mins, to avoid the teccy issues.
The BREATHE acronym has been used in trainings for XR activists by NVC trainers and here are some 1 hr recordings from April ’19.
The BREATHE handout to go with the on-line trainings, and is effective as a stand alone document too.
Non-NVC Links
Brene Brown is a hilarious researcher/story teller with a powerful message. Very helpful as support for modern life, I believe. Page down this link for her 2 TED talks – one on the Power of Vulnerability and the other Listening to Shame. I recommend the one on vulnerability first, as the shame one refers back to that one.
This is Part 1 of a 2 part class by Tara Brach about moving past contempt, judgement and blame. Part 1 is about self forgiveness, why it’s not your fault, & where blame & judgements come from. It’s amusing, includes stories & poems and I found it profound. Towards the end she leads us through what for me was a wonderful exercise on self compassion for whatever we don’t like about ourselves. I’d love everyone to experience this.