A few weekends ago we had lots of laughs and people left fired up and fascinated by NVC. We were at Cardigan’s Community Forest Garden (a community project to provide wildlife, community and food) where Escape Your Chains ran an NVC taster session attended by around 16 people.
We looked at how a tricky conversation (provided by a participant) could have gone differently with a few tweeks. NVC expands our natural compassion and everyone’s needs mattering. It is a tool kit that more and more organisations are bringing in to support differences.
Some people feel painfully lonely or “alarmed aloneness”, while others may be alone whilst in company. I want to pause and think of all the lonely people right now….
As most of us have experienced painful loneliness, or being alone and frightened, the mirror cells (in our brain) will get triggered when we think of someone else going through loneliness.
Maybe that someone is you, right now? Are you OK, or are you struggling? Below are tips for helping yourself or others with loneliness. There is also a related article with practical tips here.
In Wales, we have just started a 17 day lockdown (a Firebreak) as I write. Many people are worried about their, or others’, mental health. Mental health is something we tend to ignore when we (and others) are mentally healthy….we tend to ignore it until it affects us in some way.
If you have noticed that someone in your family or community is lonely or alone, is part of you longing to help them during the social isolation to know they are OK, so you can relax?
If you want to help someone else, firstly it helps to have a full emotional tank yourself. (That old oxygen-mask-in-an-aeroplane-crash analogy, that I find sooo true – put yours on first, and then you can help more effectively.)
So let’s start with you, some “You time”. It’s all about you, whichever way we look at it (and that is Okay!) If you want to skip the “you” part, scroll down.
I had a session with Marianne from CupOfEmpathy.com, and she suggested that I may like to check out when my “full yes” isn’t on board, as a way to increase my energy and also my trust in myself, in relationships.
Do you want to start to trust yourself, through only saying yes when it is fully felt in your heart? If so, read on, and see the steps at the bottom. Any questions please ask in the comments so other’s can see. Or let us know how this is going for you.
Has someone suggested something to you and you think “YES!”? That yes feels great – it is a full yes. When I don’t have an enthusiastic, heart-felt yes it feels different inside me. It could be just a tiny bit of a “no” (you know the type you can ignore), and the rest of me says “yes”. That tiny bit of “no” may not get heard – in my case, quite often! It doesn’t get empathy either – I give myself the message that “it” (ie me) doesn’t matter enough.
Only going ahead with something when the yes is full hearted, is scary for me. Sooo often there is a partial “no”. I plan to make it a practice to notice when I don’t have a full yes (for some people it is about having a full no, so translate if that is you).
Choice is something that has been identified as reducing violence, and Nonviolent Communication aims at increasing our choices. This is one method.
A client recently lost her partner rather suddenly. She was fairly dependent on him for most things.
She (let’s call her Silkie) had begun to be less dependent over the previous few weeks, knowing something wasn’t right, however, once she lost him she not only had grief to cope with, but much more. She would like to share how she created the support she needed, in an interdependant way, in case it helps others.
I always hold that a shift in a conflict finds us when using Nonviolent Communication (NVC), rather than us searching for it. I find that surprising, magical and beautiful. One minute it looks like there is no solution or harmony on the horizon, the next moment “Hey Presto”: Both people (or all of the group, if it is a group mediation) are actually happier than they were with their original prefered solution. This article is for those who understand the NVC resolution process, and haven’t yet got to that shift.
Having just had a very socialable time, at Christmas and New Year get togethers and parties, I wish I had re-connected with Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s prose beforehand. There are several paragraphs that really resonate with me, and I would like to say a bit about them and why. For those who don’t know me, this may help. The full prose is in the previous post. Let me know if you would inquire, of your temporary companion, about any of these!
“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.”
Well, if they are passionate about their work, it does interest me. Otherwise, I’m happy to skip paid work as a topic.
“I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.”
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are, I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool, and for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own. If you can dance with wildness, and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes, without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
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Giraffe’s have very large hearts, can get a good view of things, and their saliva can disolve thorns. So Marshall Rosenberg chose them to represent the paradigm shift to speak from the heart, that he taught so many people.
Please contact me if you are interested in this training for your group, organisation or company who want to go that bit further, and see the benefits of deepening your empathy skills to work with clients and patients.
NVC empathy is deeper than most levels of empathy as you can read below from a previous training for individuals.
Empathy is the key to relationships in my opinion: a type of understanding that leads to resolving conflicts, feeling more deeply connected, supported and safe. One of the most common requests that I hear is “how do I get good at empathy”!
Empathy is a way to step into someone else’s shoes, without trying to solve anything. Empathy helps us to unravel emotions too, so things become clearer, calmer and we get more space. Mmmm, delicious! Here is the opportunity to spend a day on empathy skills: further developing them and be surrounded by empathy.
After trainings like this, many people decide to join a practice group, because learning NVC skills is like learning a new language – it takes a while and needs practice.
If you would like to join Escape Your Chains’ Practice Group, click here.