Sarah I really loved our day together. Such fascinating stuff. Very much enjoyed your delivery and the general relaxed atmosphere, the fluid way you edited the content as the conversation evolved so as to maximize benefit and personalise it to our needs. Loved the learning, the heart level communication, the shared reality around how we want to show up. Everyone was very enthusiastic about the day. More please!
Ben James, Co-founder, The Lighthouse Project
Firstly, to clarify, there is the mechanics of NVC, and there is the consciousness of NVC. Deeper still is the spirituality of NVC.
- The mechanics involve 4 main steps and understanding 13 differentiations. A differentiation is like the difference between an NVC Need, and putting the word need in front of a solution/strategy. It usually takes 12 to 16 hrs to learn the intricacies of the 4 steps.
- NVC Consciousness. One example would be grasping deeply how it is that there are only actions and consequences, no-one is to blame, no-one does anything “wrong”, another is experiencing NVC feedback as helping get more needs met whilst bringing connection, if using NVC.
- Spirituality of NVC – for me this is leading my life according to the principles of NVC as much as I can, and making it a practice eg like Buddhism or yoga is for some people.
Difference between using our bespoke consultancy services & bespoke trainings.
For most organisations and groups, a mixture works best:
- Consultancy: Escape Your Chains can be your NVC consultant & go to organisation whenever there is tension. You call us in early to nip things in the bud (and save money, effort & time). Our NVC skills means no-one needs to have NVC training. (Over time you will pick up some NVC, but probably not the finer parts without training).
The advantage of consultancy is it will save you a lot of time & energy whilst bolstering production/ efficiency. - Training: You might like to “tool up” by
- Starting with a bespoke Foundation Training (level 1), 12 – 16 hrs
- Set up regular NVC Empathy Buddy for support and to practice the skills eg weekly or fortnightly.
- NVC Camps – these help people practice NVC consciousness whilst living in community, and offer workshops on specific topics. (We often have one in Pembrokshire)
- Integration Sessions – these might run fortnightly for 6 months, to help embed the skills, ask questions and generally get more fluent. They will probably overlap with…
- Level 2 – Intermediate Level, which is a series of 1 day sessions to deepen knowledge and competency.
- Immersion – 3+ days, such as an International Intensive Training run by CNVC.com (which sometimes happen in the UK) or a bespoke “Living NVC” retreat.
- Amongst all of these there are a vast ocean of on-line opportunities to add to your skills, some very cheaply and easily. See here for suggestions.
- Starting with a bespoke Foundation Training (level 1), 12 – 16 hrs
The advantage of training is to be more self reliant.
Conflict resilience plan
Since I have been working with groups, tensions can be seen as feedback gifts if specific information is elicited, and action taken. When listening to and actioning tensions, what needs to be clear is the “How”. A step by step process for feedback, when there is tension or conflict.
A plan which is solid includes a clear “button” that anyone can press, with a clearly set out “response”. We recommend it is easily to follow, fit for purpose, and includes what is going to be actioned to get everyone’s needs met & foster trust.
There are a number of pitfalls we have seen organisations fall into. Agreeing that what is happening (is this a conflict) is sufficient to trigger the plan or process, is a repeating place plans or processes fail. Sometimes people find it easier to identify with “tension” rather than “conflict” or “complaint”. Either way we resonate with CNVC Trainer, Dominic Barter’s idea that we need a “conflict space” (metaphorical or real), just like we have a kitchen – to accept that this tension between people is an ongoing part of life.
Working out the How: The original course (10 sessions) we recommended for setting up a process up is not run currently. You can buy a recording of it here for peanuts by joining theNVC Academy library, and go through it as a team. There are some shorter options here.
Funding
I recently heard that each County Council in South Wales has a grant for a large sum called SPF
If a bespoke local training is not affordable for you, there are many courses on-line. You can do interactive courses (NVC Matters) or for the cost of a good lunch per month, NVC Academy have a wonderful library of live courses recorded, with international trainers, each worth hundreds. This is remarkable value in our opinion.
Why Use NVC?
Nonviolent Communication fundamentally changes what’s going on by changing how people see, think and communicate about what’s important. Learning to communicate in connecting and compassionate ways, is only the beginning.
NVC will change individuals’ reactions & create far more options so there is at least one that will work for everyone. Sometimes people simply will not have the reaction they used to have, other times they will have the reaction but if they have had NVC training, they can use NVC steps to reduce the time it takes to re-regulate, find better options, & get back to a happier team. NVC also increases empathy skills, emotional literacy & getting heard & seen.
If you learn together, in an organisation, team or family, then you will have similar reference points & attitude.
How do we train with you?
Our bespoke training for organisations starts with a free call to see what more inclusivity and collaboration with “heart” might look like for your group. (If you are not part of an organisation, you can get together with some other people who want to use NVC in their lives and find some dates you can all do, then contact us).
What trainings can we have?
A Foundation Training is a 2 or 3 day course. The first 2 days are an initial training. The third day is for practicing. (It could be split into more, smaller segments). One of the essential parts of NVC is separating out parts of negotiations and conversations that are usually all mixed together, to create new solutions. Undoing a life time’s habit re-inforced by society, re-learning the language you were born with, takes practice.
Sometimes Escape Your Chains offer trainings based on a specific requirement. These not full trainings. For Extinction Rebellion we supplied De-escalation Training (a day long). For Anger Management we offer a 10 week evening course with an essential home study element.
At EYC we are open to any ideas, so please feel free to contact us by email or phone and have a free chat with Sarah 07733045484
NVC has changed my normal to something that becomes more wonderful more often the more I use NVC as a practice in my life. Learning the skills of Nonviolent Communication, first through a Foundation Training, and then onto Intermediate Trainings and IIT’s gave me a big boost. Also using all the free and cheap resources available on-line and putting my own learning together, got me a long way.
Al, Outward Bound Trainer